Day 72 - "Perception of time is so different here..."

Perception of time is so different here.

Every day is different. Huge contrast often. But the transitions are usually very gradually and almost not recognisable.

Mir ein hein-sight. Looking back. I realise oh wow I have the breeze I so desperately dreamt of yesterday. And now I am in the thick of it. Full on trade winds. They have been so far to imaginate 2 days ago.

Equator seemed so far from the Horn. The Horn seemed so endless far from ST helena.

Next wish and dream is the Azores high. Give me some peace and calm sailing!

Almost every day there is some reason for massive stress. Something makes it extreme.  Extreme light winds – extreme bouncyness… maybe over the long time the nerve costume gets weaker too

The truth is : the stakes get higher and higher. Breaking down now would feel to me so more tragic than any time before. With every day closer to finish a new mix of positive excitement and this latent paranoiac anxiety blend together to the rodeo of emotions over the day.

Last night I almost failed it all. I had water in the engine bay. My fault. The wager maker filer leaked.

Half the night I Dealt with the mess. All fine now. I am on a new water maker as the original one is destroyed by the water.

This could have so easily been a show stopper.

Looking up the main on my repair doesn’t help.

Big brutal crashes into occasional badly shaped waves doesn’t help.  The breeze going up and down so much doesn’t help.

Sleep! I ll sleep now. Finding this moment to let go is amazing.

My mind is hyper actively sensing the boat. searching problems. Trying to resolve the stress I put on the machine. Should I do less foil rake. Another course. J3? Second reef ? …? Looking at average wind – peaks. Loads speeds

It be lends into a blur and the mind doesn’t produce clear instructions anymore

Sleep

And a fresh eye later this afternoon

Then it’s hopefully only 19 hrs until the breeze eases off and we can start sailing elegantly Ober the sea.

Then there is this strong voice. Push now. You cannot sleep

Sometimes you find a faster mode that is even more livible on board.

That means j2. I did this change now how many times ? 6 or 8 ?

The beeeze is just in between. The average in reality seems pretty similar. As once breeze is up we accelerate better with the small j3.

I leave it there for the next two hours and sleep and then see …

I feel the limit of sleep depreciation. In the back of my head is this strange feeling as if I needed to cry. That’s always the sign: sleep now!

thank you all for your support”